That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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