This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
