Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
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We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
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I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have aggressive nipples.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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