There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
