This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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