i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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