dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
