WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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