I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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