awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
