Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
