I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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