Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
