i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
