Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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