Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
