I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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