headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
