She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
