I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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