we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
