Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
