so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
well you can't waste a boner
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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