apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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