Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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