wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
