I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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