Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
