we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
