I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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