I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
