Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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