forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
