I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
