so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
