at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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