i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
