dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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