i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
