If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Come on in and take your pants off
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