i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
