DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
