shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
