everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
being pregnant is like rehab
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize