I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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