gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
