sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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