So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
