Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
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He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
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Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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