And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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