will power is for people who don't want to get laid
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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