she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
