Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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