i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
