Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
