College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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