I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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