When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
