If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He felt like a one man threesome
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
my poor anus
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
