I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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