gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
