I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
