and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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