he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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