I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
