Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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