I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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