I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
