It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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