I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
