i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
