I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
