I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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